Love is spirit, Love is liberation!

In the spirit of a revolutionary V-day, here is a short collection of quotes on the spiritual and liberatory aspects of Love.

The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom. - bell hooks

An honorable human relationship, one in which people have the right to use the word love, is a process of deepening the truths they can tell each other. It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation - Adrienne Rich

Ahimsa is the practice of non-violence, which includes physical, mental, and emotional violence towards others and the self. We create violence most often in our reactions to events and others, habitually creating judgment, criticism, anger or irritation. (from here).. 

Protecting ourselves and others does not violate ahimsa. Practicing ahimsa means we take responsibility for our own harmful behavior and attempt to stop the harm caused by others.… Practicing true ahimsa springs from the clear intention to act with clarity and love. (from here)

there is a deeper love between and amongst our people that lies buried between the lines of the roles we play with each other. it is the earth beneath the floorboards of our homes. we must split wood, dig bare-fisted into the packed dirt to find out what we really have to hold in our hands as ground. - Cherríe Moraga

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being. - Hafiz

After heartbreaks and mistakes and vulnerabilities, I am not jaded about love. In fact, I believe in love more than I ever have before. My love is not homonormative, it is not love that fits into binaries, and it is not love that promises to complete a half moon. My love is queer and stunning and radical. My love respects who you are and doesn't try to change you. My love listens to you. My love is an eternal student. I dream of loving with a decolonized heart. I dream of full moon love. I dream of love that makes our ancestors sing with joy and wonder. - Yumi Tomsha

 The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see. - James Baldwin 

Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you... Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. - Eckhart Tolle

There are four elements of true love. 

1. The first is maitri: loving-kindness or benevolence. Loving-kindness is not only the desire to make someone happy, to bring joy to a beloved person; it is the ability to bring joy and happiness to the person you love, because even if your intention is to love this person, your love might make him or her suffer.
   
2. The second element of true love is compassion, karuna. This is not only the desire to ease the pain of another person, but the ability to do so.
   
3. The third element of true love is joy, or mudita. If there is no joy in love, it is not true love.
   
4. The fourth element of true love is upeksha, equanimity or freedom. In true love, you attain freedom. When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love… not only outside but also inside. – Thich Nhat Hanh
   

On Truth, on Feelings, on Love

On Truth

Either exhale,

or speak.

Do not

bite

compress

swallow or

eat your truth.

On Feelings

Feelings are a source of power, they have great energy.

Repressing our feelings suppresses our power, it limits our freedom too.

We then live & act in fear of our own force of feeling, hiding from ourselves.

I am my free-est self when I allow myself not just to feel all my feelings, but to be moved by them.

On Love

Love is pure energy, all light.

Love is healing.

Love is filled with beauty.

Love brings life.

Love is a divine expression. Never block it.

Love is our inherent right and gift, the thing we knew before we were born & also after we died. It is eternal. It is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed. It only shifts, it flows and transforms, changing us along the way.

I am my fiercest self when I am my most compassionate self. To me, compassion is wrapping our heartfelt understanding around the wound of another being. That love has the ability to illuminate, to connect, to repair, and to heal.

Solitude, Sadness, and Self-Love

At some point of time, all human beings feel a deep sense of aloneness. Such a universal experience, and yet, it's experienced in painful isolation, at least internally even if we are surrounded by people who really love us.

I believe that's the point that we need to turn inwards, and be okay with what's there. The fear is many a time greater than the actual experience. Facing inwards, being okay with a vast expansive space. Perhaps similar to floating off into the outer space in an unknown galaxy, no gravity. Where are we, if not anchored by a pulling weight that keeps our feet on the ground? Who are we, if not in relationship to other human beings? What are we? Why do we exist? What is the purpose of our lives? These are big scary questions. And we often stay outwards in the daily hustle to avoid questions that can seem unanswerable.

A few years ago when I had just moved to New York, I was looking for a great book recommendation and a friend gave it to me - Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke. There are 10 letters in that book that Rilke wrote to a young mentee he had never met. I think everyone who reads that book feels like Rilke has traveled across time and space to join us in this realm, and that he wrote that letter to that particular reader. I too felt deeply spoken to, deeply moved by his words. He spoke to me of solitude, of the vast expanse we have inside of us. To paraphrase, he said that most of us spend our whole lives in just one room of the house, whereas there is so much more to discover. He spoke of sadness too, with such respect for how it is to be treated and how it changes us in meaningful ways. Sadness, like solitude, is a universal experience and also like solitude, many of us spend our time in hyperactivity to avoid those feelings.

Through this book, I came to make peace with my sadnesses, and came to love the spaciousness of solitude, that can allow one to feel as expansive as time itself.

Nowadays, I lose myself in hyperactivity fairly regularly, but then something reminds me of this question - what or who am I trying to avoid, when I could be with all of myself all of the time?

I invite you into yourself. Sometimes that can look like meditating, or it can look like taking a walk, or dancing. Meditation changes too, it is a medium to access something eternal and still, and anything we lose ourselves in can create that pathway. Do not be attached to one path, but take the step now that moves your whole being forward. You can enter yourself from many realms - the physical, the emotional, the spiritual all are connected. You can touch your body in a new way and discover that you have changed. Your own hands may be touching differently, infused with awareness of self. You may look in the mirror everyday and not really see yourself deeply. You could do that now.

Whatever you do, invite love into it. Love is attention, time, presence, unconditionality, no judgements. Bring love into yourself, from yourself, to yourself. When we are filled with love, it is what we offer out too. And within us, it can help us hold all our experiences with compassion. 

Letting Go

A while back T and I were moving and we were in a purging frenzy. I donated so many clothes, shoes, household items, kitchen things, and more. Asking myself daily - Do I need this? Do I use it? Am I attached? - I got into a practice of letting go. I had mentally been preparing for this for some time, because I am a recovering sentimentalist. But I was ready. So we purged a LOT. And on the other side, in the new place, it felt good. There was less stuff to unpack (could be lesser still), and less space so it all fit better too.

At times though, I wonder if we went too far. Whenever I am wondering what to wear that I don't need to iron and and will keep me cool in the summer, I might have a flash of memory of a dress I let go of. And I might regret that decision. Or I might stand by it. Either way, I've been reflecting on letting go, and both the joys and pains of it. I've been wondering what it takes.

What does it really take to let go of someone, or of something? Of an experience, or an expectation, or a memory....First I think it takes that mental commitment, the readiness to move on. Second, there has to be an active component - perhaps there is a dropoff to Goodwill, or the burning of a letter. Perhaps it's deleting pictures, or someone from your facebook friend list. And then third, is the rest of the journey with no finite end, which is practicing letting go over and over. Each time you are reminded of the thing or longing for it, you remind yourself why you needed to let go in the first place, and why it was bold and brave and true to do so. Perhaps you have to remind yourself a lot. Perhaps you never look back.

And sometimes you need a fourth stage - if you're truly unable let go, then try acceptance instead. I'm sitting with all of this, from the mundane (missing my old sneakers and excited about new ones!) to the deeply emotional (wishing some of my relationships were deeper or closer, but accepting and being present to what is).

Even our skin sheds completely every twenty-one days. How can we refuse to participate in a process so natural and adaptive? If we didn't, we literally wouldn't heal and be able to recover from wounds. So, in that spirit, I am facing, learning, and trying to let go a little more every day.

I hope there is something you can release today. Maybe a regret about something you did or didn't do,  maybe it's a mug that you don't need anymore. Tell yourself what you need to let go of, and more importantly, why. Then release, and notice how you feel. Or if you're not ready to let go yet, that's okay too, notice that and explore what's underneath.

Write to me about it, if you like.

When I'm Happy!

I'm happy when I write and I write when I'm happy!

Today I write after many months of not.

I reflected recently in a "sharing about ourselves" that I didn't share I am a survivor of sexual violence. I considered it and I forgot or I chose something else to share. For some reasons. I'm reflecting now on what those reasons were.

One, these words do not define me. Yet, the experience has been significantly shaping of my life path and in fact, laid the groundwork for a later politicization. But that was actually my first politicization.

I have worked long and hard on my journey with shame, throughout my life. It is only now, at 33, that I've come to another place that feels more restful. I have struggled, so I know my own strength.

I think the same about chronic pain. The struggle expands one's worldview and deepens and experience of self. You cannot help but question (God, why? Why me? Can people die from pain?) and you cannot avoid the spiritual or physical work, for that experience is so intense. Then you become very strong. And once you have seen your own strength, you only get inspired to keep working and becoming stronger.

A Beautiful Cleanse

Cleanse is a beautiful word. I love the vision and feeling it evokes. When I think about a physical cleanse, it's an image of water rushing through pipes where my body is a long wide pipe, open from both top and bottom.  No ends, just water gushing from the universe into me with force and flowing on & out rapidly.

I have been thinking a lot about cleansing at a deeper level through my recent dietary "restrictions" (I'll explain in a moment).  I got the flu and had other health challenges 10 days into it the first time, so I'm doing it again, re-setting the clock on the two-week cleanse. Today is day 3. I made vegan chai yesterday, this time with coconut milk and coconut sugar. It's quite nice actually.

The foundation of this cleanse is learning new things, and practice letting go as a path to freedom. While this letting go of the old ways brings up feelings of loss and restriction for me, ultimately it is allowing me to expand my self-awareness, which can only bring greater freedom and choice.  These are the lessons I need to learn to evolve as a human being.  Some qualities to cultivate along this path - curiosity / eagerness to learn, humility at not knowing, acceptance of oneself as an imperfect and attached/addicted human being, willingness to try again with beginners mind after getting things wrong.

Some of the more physical and practical things I'm learning -

• Because of eating much fewer foods and food groups, I was feeling hungrier and emptier a lot of the time. So to supplement, I was scavenging for snacks and sides that would fill me up, and via their absence I noticed all the usual go-to's that I was NOT eating [chai/cappuccinos/mochas (dairy, caffeine, sugar), crackers (processed) and cheese (dairy), not adding yogurt (dairy) to indian meals, chips/cheetos (processed, dairy), chocolate/desserty things (sugar, dairy)].  So basically, a lot of dairy and sugar was making up my snacks / fillers, and now I am eating nuts, seeds, rice cakes, fruit (more protein and fiber). A real shift in my nutritional balance. 

• I feel highly attuned to how everything lands inside my body - from food to feelings. I notice every headache (or absence of), every stomach hurt (or lack of), and when my heart feels full of joyous overwhelm, or heavy and contracted from sadness. I can better respond to all these sensations and feelings, and I have become more mindful of how I respond. Basically, I'm not eating my feelings as much. Emotional cleansing.

• During the hardcore cleanse period I didn't eat out at all - this means that I didn't spend money on eating out. Financial health boost, and spending cleanse!

• Not eating out also means that I know every single ingredient that I consume, having read nutrition labels carefully or having prepared everything myself from whole, unprocessed foods. Having that much intimacy with food preparation and careful consumption makes me treasure my body's insides more, I have more respect for the organs and internal processes.

On a deeper level, this feels like fasting. It feels so, so hard in some moments (not all the time though). I have strong cravings, so much that I can even convince myself that it's okay to have a little tiny something (chai / chocolate...) outside the guidelines. But then I feel like I would be cheating myself, I would miss the opportunity to practice restraint and simply witness my strong attachments/addictions. Yes there are addictions. Although caffeine and sugar are certainly addictive, there are also attachments to the idea of how we eat and drink. I like to read a nice book as I sip a hot, creamy, caffeinated drink. I like to eat dessert after a meal, it feels like it "completes" it. I am witnessing all my weaknesses, and know that God wants to strengthen me inside out. This is a small container of two weeks within which I practice sitting with my feelings of loss and my cravings and I rage at my restrictions, and I still maintain the fast. Breaking it feels like crossing a sacred line.  

What I'm holding to as an anchor this time, is words from Gina Sharpe, teacher at and cofounder of NY Insight Meditation Center: renunciation as freedom.

10 Principles of a Great Cleanse

On Day 5 I made paalak daal (red lentils with spinach) and aloo baingan (potatoes and egglpant). Ate with brown rice. Yumm times three.

I've realized that there are certain things one must do to create the foundation for a cleanse. I'll share a few of the things Im learning, and would love to know more from others who have done this before.

#1: Planning
I have to plan when I'm going to buy groceries, and when I'm going to cook. This is kind of basic for life anyways, when one is managing multiple priorities - work, food management, family time, social time etc. I recommend buying an epic amount of groceries (including the chia seeds, flax seeds, cans of coconut milk - things don't perish quickly etc.) a few days before you begin such an endeavor. Also get your fresh batch of vegetables and fruit, whatever you're planning to make for your first couple of meals. Cook the first big meal before day 1, so that you're ready to go on the first day and have some ease with starting a new big thing.

#2 Commitment and follow through
When it's time to cook, I gotta cook. If I don't, I'll eat nuts all day and be hungry!! Or, I'll break down and eat something that breaks the cleanse. That won't do. So, not a lot of room for slacking off. This process is teaching me commitment and timely follow through. You gotta do what you gotta do when you gotta do it. The effort is worth the results, and the lessons in discipline are priceless. I have less room/time for mental self-talk and negotiations, because I accept there's no other alternative so I just roll up my sleeves and get to it. This is a powerful skill to wield in other areas of life where you could use it.

#3 Cook frequently and eat fresh
I don't want to make a large batch of something and eat it 3 times a day for 5 days. Nope. I need variety in flavors, and I want to eat fairly fresh food as much as possible, at least during this period, in the spirit of a cleanse. So, that means cooking frequently, and it's been every other day so far. This is fine for now because I'm unemployed (for 5 more days!) and because I like cooking. No onions no garlic also makes the actual cooking much faster and simpler.

#4 Get creative! Change things up
A friend reached out to me after reading my previous blog post, and invited me to cook with her. I hope to do that soon! This makes all this more fun, involves other people so I'm not doing it alone all the time.  I've also been scouring the internet and sourcing friends and cookbooks for new recipes and creative food combinations. I was going to make the daal and eggplant (from day 1) again on day 5, but I added spinach to the daal and potatoes to the eggplant, and used slightly different spices and herbs to mix it up.

#5 Drink a lot of water
I'm really bad at this. I don't realize when I get sluggish from dehydration, and I barely drink water during the day. My nutritionist said to drink 4 big bottles per day. So, I'm carrying my Swell bottle container around, so I'm actually noticing how many bottles I drink. You can do whatever works for you. But having the same shimmering teal tower of hydration helps me remember my intention, as well a practically supports this intention.

#6 Focus on what you're consuming, not what's missing
It's easy and distracting to focus on what's missing. This is a loss perspective, which doesn't serve me in this process. So, instead of thinking about the cheeses and yogurts I am most craving, I think about which vegetables have a naturally creamy taste or texture (roasted smoked eggplant, mashed butternut squash....mmm). Delight in the tasty goodness of what is. And by focusing on what you are actually eating and drinking, you're paying more attention to new tastes and noticing how they feel in your body. This is the purpose - to notice how foods make us feel from within.

#7 Engage with the true spirit of a cleanse
There are so many ways to do this. I could eat gluten-free bread with dairy-free cheese everyday for breakfast. But this is not in the true spirit of cleansing. This is just eating more processed foods that are not wholesome or healthy. The real focus here is to make our bodies conduits - to shake up and release the old stuff stuck inside, and to pour in a lot of water to clean things out and get them moving, and to add nourishing elements that build us up from the inside - immunity, good bacteria, bone health, strength etc.

#8 Get support from your people
This is a big deal for me. I'm making an effort I haven't in a long time, and have been pretty averse to any kind of food restriction. While I'm not thrilled about that part, I am more focused on the things I'm gaining by cleansing. No stomachaches. But I need help, and something I've found useful is to talk to people in my life about it, give little updates on my progress, share successes, and even the struggles. Naming them to a friend helps to externalize them, so that you aren't thinking about the heavenly smell of those fresh home-made biscuits anymore.

#9 Remember: This is your choice 
I can end the cleanse whenever I want. But I am so determined to see it through. Nobody's asking me to do it. My nutritionist certainly recommended it, but I am quite skilled at ignoring what various health professionals have said to me. But I want to do this. I've been mentally and physically preparing for it for a while, and I got to the point of readiness where I was actually excited to do it. So, when it feels hard, I remind myself of 2 things -  1) I chose this. I want to do what's in my control to feel better 2) It's only 3 weeks. I can do this. 3) Once it ends, I will have a new set of choices to make (continue? long-term or short-term? no dairy or reduced dairy?), and also new skills and recipes for my daily life.

#10 Try to have fun with it!
This is a challenge right? Have fun beating it! Enjoy learning new things, pretend you're a chef on a cooking show (I do this all the time), narrate your new recipes to your imaginary audience, invite friends to taste test things, in fact, have a soul food dinner party! Invite everyone to bring one dish that uses allowed ingredients,  and share why they love it and how it feeds their soul. We are most poised for success when we bring ourselves fully into the world, and take the world with us where we want to go. Don't do this in isolation. And don't do it as a chore. Life is meant to be enjoyed, so enjoy everything, even the challenges.

A Cleanse! The challenge is to cook simply and eat healthy & tasty

I like to drink chai while I write. It's a fact. It's a ritual as sacred and soulful as lighting a diya before I pray. It's a portal for me to enter a place that is navigated by all senses and inner knowing, not just by sight and mind and logical thought and words. This place is dark and unknown and vast, full of mystery and magic, but also full of fear if you're afraid of the dark, afraid of not knowing.  The chai and diya (tealight) ground me in the mystery and magic, and guide me when I'm lost or afraid, when there are no words and no writing comes out. I'm still me, I'm still here, I drink chai and breathe, feel its warmth in my belly, its cardamon flavors flowing into my soul. I can pause and reflect, and ground before I try again, seeking with my inner self.

On Friday I began a cleanse. This has great potential impact on my inner and outer self. For 3 weeks I'm quitting wheat and dairy, and onions and garlic, completely. This is a big deal for me because I have not done any food restrictions in a serious way for over 8 years. For the last several years I've been 60-80% gluten-free, but never completely. That was too definite, too scary, did not feel realistic and I did not want to live in New York and limit my ability to eat a NY slice of pizza when I felt like it! But, since I've had the time to focus on my healing more intentionally, and do things that normally seemed impossible while working full-time, I have more mental and emotional energy and openness for this effort. I'm excited! And very, very curious as to what impact it will have.

The general plan is oatmeal for breakfast, lentils and vegetables and rice for lunch and dinner, and a solid snack between those 2 meals. Lots of hydration - 4 of those stainless steel bottles. I am allowed caffeine and sugar (which is amazing!) but since there's no dairy, I'm not that interested in coffee or chai without it.

Day 1 meals -

Breakfast: A cup oatmeal with almond milk, and chia seeds, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds. And 4-5 strawberries. Yummmm!

Lunch: Green moong daal khichdi (pressure cooked with white rice) with ginger , green chillies and lemon, and some simple spices - turmeric and salt. And eggplant cooked with tomatoes. Hella tasty!

Snack: Roasted cashews, raw pecans, sunflower and pumpkin seeds

Dinner: Same as lunch

Snack: More nuts and seeds, and a couple of pieces of dark chocolate

I drank 6 bottles of water on this day!!! A huge area of growth for me, so something I was really proud of and felt great flowing within my body.

This is full of newness, stumbling, learning, and being open to trying imperfectly. By the end of day 1, I actually felt amazing. I felt empty, which was uncomfortable, but it allowed me to see how certain foods fill my belly because I can't stand the emptiness. It's not hunger, it's open space. I slept easily and soundly (have had bad insomnia), and most incredible of all, when I lay down I could feel wind and my feelings flow through me, top to bottom, all the way to my feet. Usually those feelings get stuck in a hard place in my gut, and I can never feel breath flow to my legs. I had energy flowing into my lower body without interruption, and immediately I could see the power of the cleanse. I was committed to seeing it through.

Day 2 was also good. I felt a lot of mindfulness because I was preparing everything I ate, and it was all so wholesome and tasty. I was committed to enjoying delicious foods while cleansing, and I was making new recipes, or simplifying old recipes because it's without onions and garlic.

Day 3 started to feel difficult. When I made the new tasty-healthy recipe I was excited about, it was tasty but not amazing. I have high standards as a cook, and usually will keep working a dish until it gets to finger-licking yumm. This was solid, but not excellent.

New entree (for lunch and dinner): Butternut squash, carrots, green beans, and potatoes cooked in coconut milk, with mustard seeds, curry leaf and some green chillies.

Side: Lightly sauteed kale with orange bell peppers.

Day 4: I was feening for chai. It was Sunday, the city was slowing down preparing for the storm, and on my current funemployment schedule I have a lot of free time. I like to drink chai while writing, as I mentioned, and also while reading. So, I made vegan chai with almond milk, inspired by a friend. It's decent, thought not something I can imagine craving!

Luckily, other people eating decadent things like chocolate lava cake or garlic-sauteed greens did not tempt me.I enjoyed the smells, and their pleasure with their food. For me, I simply felt - this is only for 3 weeks. An experiment, I want to see if I feel better (less/no stomach aches and headaches, and better sleep and energy).  And I want to do it for real, no cheating. I'm really leading with curiosity this time, so eager to know what works well in my body! And I am enjoying the challenge of simplicity :) Which is actually a gift. I'm cooking simpler.

Day 5 is today: I am drinking vegan chai and writing from a cozy bed on this snowy day. This is a treat.

What I'm excited to do more of 

What's up next for cooking: Daal again (maybe red lentils this time, or brown - masoor daals) and eggplant again. That combo sounds simple, solid, and delicious. I am in love with eggplant these days. It's soft and light so very easy to cook, one eggplant makes a good sized portion, and it feels creamy and richly flavorful, which is very satisfying.

I need to expand my snack options beyond the nuts + seeds combo because I get bored easily. I did some online exploration last night, and have thought of rice cakes, plain or with peanut butter.

I also tried to make tahini but it came out bad because the sesame seeds were too old I think, it was bitter and tasted rancid. I'll get a fresh batch and try again. I may also make my own hummus without garlic.

I want to start going to yoga classes 2-3 times a week, which is an important component of any health effort. Right now it's zero/week, so fortunately, the stats can only go up from here. The snow is testing my commitment, so I will do some home yoga today + practice the dance routine I learned at my dance collective this week!


How you can help me! Please.

I am looking for more recipes - vegan and gluten free of course - that use basic ingredients, nothing too obscure or fancy. So, please share your favorites! You can fb message or email me, or call me too! A great excuse to chat - recipe exchange.

Also, if there are some basic exercise things that you do from home, whether regularly or when you're stuck indoors by weather, tell me what they are. I'd like to build a collection of options for myself. My default tends to be sun salutations but like I mentioned, I get bored easily with repeating the same things every day (something to work on in yoga practice huh? cultivating beginner's mind daily)


Stay tuned

In case anyone is curious, I am trying the Low FODMAP  + no dairy diet as recommended by my awesome nutritionist. This diet also excludes a lot of fruit  (anything with a pit/core) and vegetables (like cauliflower, peas etc. - some of my favorites!), so it's not just dairy and wheat elimination. It's apparently a great fit for folks with inflammation in the body (symptoms - stomach aches, headaches etc.) or what is more commonly known as IBS. It is also paired with taking a probiotic daily which helps build the good bacteria for digestion (I haven't begun this yet).

I'm not yet committed to this food plan for life, just trying it out to see if it really works for me. And if the results are compelling, who knows where I go from here.  I'll keep you posted. Cooking and eating occupies a great deal of my mindspace, both because I'm a foodie who likes to cook and eat out, and because I've had such challenges with how foods impact me, even so-called healthy foods. So, doing this cleanse and writing about it are a great way for me to externalize this huge thing, and to share the lessons I'm learning. Thanks for reading! 

Life Purpose, and the Role of Healing/Loving Self within that

So, here's my understanding of how a human being is built, and hence, what the purpose of our life is.

1. There is a soul, a tiny pinpoint of divine flame, in our hearts. This is what we mean by life and consciousness. By its very existence, it affirms interconnection. We are all part of a larger fire of aliveness, which scientifically matches how we understand the universe - generated from a Big Bang, a fireball essentially.

2. Our bodies encase our souls, so we are living temples. Every day, we wash and clean the temple externally, we offer food for nourishment. Because we are also a vehicle for the soul, we treat it in ways that fuel a machine too. Recharging batteries by rest, water, food, and mobility is a part of our function and aliveness.

3. We are not here to live the body, the body is here as a vehicle for the soul's purpose. So, our purpose in life is embedded in the soul. It's already in there, we may or may not consciously be aware (yet), but because it's there and it's our essence, it reveals itself in our natural talents & gifts, what some people call aptitude.

4. What we are here to do and be matches what the world needs from us.  Living our purpose gives us an outlet for own creative energies, and it is a necessary & beautiful cog in the universal wheel. I often hesitated at the thought of indulging my creative desires, but they were deep yearnings, which I felt compelled to follow and release into the world, without which I felt backed up and stagnant.  When I am living using all my gifts, I am flowing with life and able to offer more creative thinking and expansive energy to all that I do, even things that are simply necessary or chores. Sharing our gifts rounds us out, so we are acting in more whole ways.

5. In order to live fully and to contribute the best of our essence, we all need to heal in an ongoing manner. Just like being free as a child is full of playing and falling down and exploring and getting hurt and learning about the world, so it is being a human of any age. We live, we learn, things happen, we have accidents, we make mistakes, other people are living and learning too, and through all our interactions we each have things to heal from - each of which serve a learning purpose. Fortunately, because the soul can never be harmed, everything else can be unlearned or released and re-learned in new ways. Healing is inevitable because we are already whole, always and forever. So, our inner wisdom guides our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual healing, our journey towards becoming pure light.  What we can consciously do to support the journey is listen to our inner selves, and respond accordingly, to the best of our ability. This process involves a LOT of people and requires a lot of support.

6. As we heal, we grow. We grow in all possible ways. Our hearts are bigger, stronger, more flexible muscles. We can open more, we can do more, we can receive more, we can follow the guidance we receive, we have greater capacity to learn new things. All of these abilities enhance our life-purpose fulfillment. We are able to recover more fluidly from setbacks, and we can do all this while retaining our glowing essence. This process evolves us as human beings, and that's the greater purpose of living - living our full potential, recovering our full humanity, and offering something that makes the world better. We love ourselves, we love the world, we work to heal and beautify our home, and it loves and nourishes us back. We have received, we continue to give.... the cycle of life is an expanding spiral.

7. Loving ourselves is an important part of this recipe. It is not selfish, it is our responsibility, and a part of our contribution to offer the best possible version of ourselves to the world. Nobody else can do that for us, and everybody feels the impact if we don't do that work on ourselves. Loving ourselves is similar to a parent loving a child - taking care of basic needs but also moral and emotional development, living by our values, taking feedback and self-improvement work, playing, laughing, and building good friendships.


Thank you to everyone who has been offering so much insight and clarity to me, as I have been deep in life-purpose questions. I offer this blog post from all of those learnings, and with gratitude for your wisdoms and sharing.

To Heal is to Reclaim your Essential Self

to heal is to reclaim your essential self.

i have finally come to cherish that i am a goddess of survival.  and i realize it makes me very happy to share the acquired skills and learnings/ wisdoms from my own experiences, that can perhaps shine light on your own path. given this, here's a little update on what i'm upto these days, and what insights it's providing me.

i have been in a period of slowing down, post job resignation. slowing down was scary at first. i wanted to keep going hard, set personal goals and pushing myself to "do something" with my free time. but then, as i was encouraged by people who love me to actually relax and take it easy for a change, and to focus on my own much-needed healing, i surrendered to it. i appreciated the feedback and support, and dove in, at my own slow pace that changes from day to day.

i am sleeping a lot, going to yoga community classes, getting acupuncture and massage treatments, writing and seeing friends. i usually watch an episode of some TV show in the evenings. i look forward to this kind of distraction relaxation time too.

yes, this whole package is as dreamy as it sounds. and i'm super blessed to have the means to access all this healing.  but the line i'm holding for myself (and pushed by my dear brilliant healer friend) is not just to do self-care, but to actually work on healing trauma. this requires therapy, but it also requires being present to when hard feelings come up during the day. because of my free time, i can choose to do anything when hard stuff comes up. i can watch TV, or eat, or avoid in many ways. but the intention of all this space is to actually create a "healing room" emotionally, that can allow pause whenever needed and to actually lean into the discomfort, instead of dealing with it with my usual busy-ness.

to heal is to reclaim your essential self. my essence thrives on joy and being with people, and love and laughter, dancing, singing and praying, cooking and eating festively, playing, and doing exciting fun things physically. so, while i want to immediately do all these things and hence live my version of a happy life, i often don't feel like doing any of it.  that's because wounds become hard places when stuck inside the body, they become scar tissue and pain, from lack of light and love and touch and attention.

so, the reason to pay attention to painful and uncomfortable feelings is to keep everything moving up and out of the body and spirit. when i allow myself to do that, when i work on the actual issues causing me pain, i'm healing from the inside out. it's the complementary act to doing things externally that bring me joy.

in conclusion, i recommend doing both - inner healing + outer activities that make you happy. both of these things can happen partly in solitude, and partly with good company.


Some tips to heal is to reclaim your essential self - 

Part 1) Do an activity. . Sit down comfortably, close your eyes, breathe, put your hands on your heart or on your knees, and think back to some happy, carefree memories as a child. This can be hard to reach for, for some of us, but try. Imagine for a few minutes and float across a few different scenes or young ages, at home, in school, with family, with friends, by yourself, outdoors, indoors etc. Then, when you are ready to open your eyes, write down the words that come up from scenes you saw. Perhaps they are words like sunlight, laughter, daal and rice, my sister.... or a completely different set of words or feeling. Allow all/any words, don't censor. Then, write down a bunch of qualities that you see as your essence - I am ____ (playful, insightful, kind, quirky..... anything!)

Now that you've discovered your essence, you can put this up somewhere, and probably you'll add some things to it in the next few days.

Part 2) Similarly, you can ask some people you know who are close to you and know you well from a variety of life experiences (childhood friends, highschool, college, current friends, former teachers, mentors, coworkers, your health practitioners, yoga teachers, acupuncturist etc.). Ask them - what are the top 3-5 things that come to mind when you think of me? Make this list. Depending on how many people you ask, you may have several lists. Look for the common themes. Do these match your own description of your essence? It doesn't matter if they do or don't. Either way, these are insightful exercises into how you see yourself deeply, and how you show up in the world and are seen by others. Both perspectives are valuable.

Part 3) Choose what you want to cultivate, and identify some activities that will help you do that.  Some of these may be quick and easy (like I want to play more!), or require commitment and deeper work in the longer term (like I want to be kinder, or more patient). Start anywhere, keep it small and focused, and simple to begin with.

Always remember that you are doing this to reclaim/liberate your essential self, which is a powerful act of self-love and freedom.

Lots of love and light in the new year to everyone.

Love means responding

I have a habit of doing too much once I get going. In that zone, I feel like Superwoman. I feel that I can do all the things, and that I must. Then I end up with a splitting headache or back breaking pain.

I could be energized, and do a lot, and when I FEEL something in my body/self, commit to responding. I'm at least as important as everyone else in the world. And I am more responsible for myself than others.

Love means caring about what happens to someone you care about, and responding as best as you can, even when that someone is you.

Challenges can make you Shine

Challenges make life more interesting.

You'll eventually learn that you'll get through the really hard thing, one way or another. You may/probably have a higher stake in one outcome, so you put your weight behind one path. Or perhaps you're too afraid you'll lose/ not get what you want, that you're afraid too care by putting in the effort. What if it's a waste? There is no such thing as time wasted. Or energy. These are infinite and cyclical things that repeat and revolve continuously. There is a flow, but it is always new and old, and it always transforms. Life is in the motion of it.

Not knowing. You could relish this excitement, flutter your gut with anticipation, you could tell everyone, that you care too much so much.

You could also approach this not knowing with apprehension. That's perfectly natural, fear of the unknown makes sense and we all do it. Try not to let it grip you :) The more we surrender to it, the stronger it gets, like a snake wrapped around you that's growing stronger as you grow weaker. Try to remember that nothing is permanent. That's it. {Writing that on the wall or your body may help you remember.}

Life is fun. Yes, there are tragedies past and current traumas unfolding, but we all live joy too. Those moments of time with our loved ones, in dim and sparkly lights, or on a hot beach day, the warmth of a slumber party after the after-party, those are the moments that keep our spark alive. This feeling of LOVE and being connected to other human beings, that is the feeling of joy.

A star. Something that has been dead a long time can forward a shine to the water it has never met. 

"Sweetlife: the intersection of passion and purpose” - sweet green

today i write from where i am. on a plane, with nothing coherent to write about, but infinite time to manifest the intention to write. i could not connect with it at first. i started at paper, pen in hand, for a long time. i wrote a few words restlessly, not feeling much but irritation.

then i read. i read several e-magazines i had saved on my computer a long time. for those of you who write, have you ever noticed that reading inspires writing? for those of you who dance, have you ever noticed that listening to music gets the beat flowing in your body until you move?

reading flowed and i realized i was seeing answers to the unnamed questions that make me restless.

what is my purpose in life?

what is happiness?

i feel peace, and an opening, what do i do now?

i have many passions and talents. what do i pursue?

the theme of the answers was that the heart is the center of life and living, and the heart beats love. even divinity is love, infinite love in every direction. so following my passion is to follow my heart. it is to feel my heart, to slow down to listen to my heart, to respond, to stay present and patient in a dialogue that takes places over years, over a lifetime and then some.

another theme/unspoken-question-answer -  i’ve been yearning for guidance on a nutrition philosophy and action plan. given my body’s sensitivities and needs, what do i eat to nourish my life force? how do i not eat/drink what i’m not supposed to? i hate setting food limitations, after 20+ years of a diet restricted by medication and various treatments. i want to be healthy, but i want to experience and enjoy all of life’s offerings. i’ve also lost my love of cooking and it has become a chore. i want to bring it back. i want to fall in love again and mend our relationship, so it is filled with light and joy in each other’s company. i did receive messages about some next steps - take charge of your own well-being so that you control it not an external force, and try new recipes so that it is exploratory and fun. plus, access support from those who have the right skills and experiences - aka, see a desi nutritionist.

sometimes things feel very complex - like finding one’s life purpose. other things feel challenging - like being a grown woman and feeding yourself nutritious and delicious meals daily. but things are perhaps simpler than they seem - do the one thing that is right in front of you, that would make a huge difference to your quality of life. for me, that sounds like it’s in the food and nutrition realm, so perhaps i’m about to start dating cooking. i’ll try one new thing. if i like it, i’m open to more. plus, it’s always fun to cook with company so hit me up if you’d like to join the party. 

Manhattan to medication to meditation….

We love Manhattan. It’s clear. If one of us has to go on a day off, we tend to make a date of it. Today for me was the gastroenterologist’s office as Tiara headed to yoga, sitting by the fountain at the base of Central Park…..delicious warm kale and quinoa bowl …. looking for parking…. inside the park…..seeing the police and trusting signs…... family conversations on text and story-telling….move-watching……conversations…writing. Here I am, feeling full and incomplete at the same time.

Doc gave me a diet chart / recommendations on how to reduce abdominal pain and discomfort and bloating. The medical system used to frustrate me a lot, even cause intense suffering. While that’s legit and still so many people’s experience, I have come to have a different attitude and approach that is infinitely more bearable. I am now patient and accept that this is steady, ongoing work. I don’t go to see a doctor with all my hopes in one basket, or a prayer-filled heart desperately seeking. Now, I write a POP (my desired outcomes from the visit) and make sure I share them during the meeting. I am better at gleaning relevant information, asking the necessary questions to complete my picture, and balancing my effort with gratitude for all that I am receiving. These days I am especially grateful for a robust health insurance, and going to town on it.

Earlier, I used to get disappointed when tests did not reveal anything because I had no further clarity, but now I see that getting the test done is actually the win. I have eliminated a potential root cause, or additional problem. So every test coming back either negative is a success, or positive adds to clarity and I am feeling so strong and clear and grateful and focused. I’m meeting competent healthcare staff who are also learning and changing from their medical experiences, just like me. So once I’ve eliminated all the options, I’ll be left with so many things still within my power to change – exercise, meditation, nutrition. I read that somewhere recently and it struck a powerful chord. I would also add self-love to that. Perhaps that happens in meditation already, or perhaps it happens through our exercise and nutrition choices. I don’t know, I’ve never been 100% disciplined about any of these.

The only thing I’ve ever had a 100% success rate for, was from the ages of 5 to 20 in taking medication and following medical treatments to the T. I did it out of a sense of conscience, my mom was investing so much heart and energy into my healing, I felt like my body was her body. And it was, it came from her. We are a part of each other. It took me a while to realize this, perhaps until now. We do contract together and bloom together, and there are others attached to our stems and leaves and petals. The family ecosystem breathes as a whole living organism. This family is heart and blood and choice and soul and many generations ago and beyond. This is the heart of the universe.

As I was saying, about medication, so after the age of 21, when I met Guruji, it was over. No more meds for me. And although I’ve even gone back and forth on that too over the years from then until 32/now, I could never again have 100% success rate at any of those life discipline things. The perfectly-following-a-set-of-instructions streak is broken. Who knows, maybe that’s a good thing, something that is my constant imperfection and humanity. And who else know, maybe that’s a terrible thing that I need to spiritually improve upon. I go back and forth.

Maybe I wasn’t perfectly following a set of instructions all that time. What if I was learning necessary anchors for living – routine and surrender? This could be just the mantra I need as I try to rebuild my connection to and practice of yoga.

"Doing" Life

Things are different in today's era. Many of us don't live for the sake of enjoying life.  There's too much going on, and we are always doing too many things.

I have an imagination (which could be very limited and ill-informed) of a previous era where work was a means to an end - gathering life necessities. But now, work often is it's own large life-consuming category. Similarly, technology is not just a means to an end that will help humanity and the quality of life overall, like more precise heart surgery that saves more lives. Now, technology is its own end. Multiple gadgets are created everyday that have no purpose other than creating a new need - like more computer games.

This has greatly affected one of my core needs and enjoyments - relaxing. In my vision, relaxing is a stream of life that we all float in, enjoying each other's company and the beautiful waters and nature surrounding us. But now, relaxing has become another desirable category within which one can do a lot. It has become a space of doing, rather than not-doing. The options may be going to the spa, getting a massage, reading, watching TV etc. But in my life, these things aren't usually integrated. In order to realize my dream of curling up on the recliner with a good book, I will probably/ usually - research new fiction reviews online, order a book from Amazon, wait until it arrives, wait until I'm free to read it, and get life's pressing needs  (cooking, cleaning,  etc.) out of the way before I can finally sit down and give myself that break.

Is it just me? Am I relaxing wrong? Is there anybody out there who is living a more relaxing life while working full-time and cooking and cleaning for yourself? I mean, I don't even have kids or pets! It could be simpler right? And I do live in New York, one of the most, if not the most, manic cities of all.

One of things I've been noticing recently is that relaxing is tied to simplicity. Having less material goods means less things to clean, tidy, organize, or even go through for purging. We went to IKEA today to get a desk and chair for my home office, and I am proud to say we stuck to the list and did not get consumed by all we could become consumers of. That's the materialism that capitalism feeds. More. stuff. to. buy. All the time.

Any other strategies out there for relaxing into oneself, into one's home, into one's community, without it becoming a project with multiple sub-tasks to do?

Poem - Butterfly Heart

Butterfly heart
One that exists because
it went through
Metamorphosis.
Mush and stuff to let go of
Fluttering hard
towards life
towards flight...
Willing to shed
the dead of its skin
towards life
towards flight.

Top 10 Tips for Transitioning to a New Life in a New City

I wrote this a while ago upon request for transition advice, but never shared more widely. Perhaps this is useful to someone out there today.

1. Sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep. Sleep a lot, as much as you can, especially for the first 6 months, but ESPECIALLY for the first week, month, 3 months. During sleep, a lot of integration happened for me. The move had been desired for almost a year, in the works for 6 months, and planned for 6 weeks once I got a job offer. Still, things of this magnitude are experienced as life rushing at you, and I'd be really curious to meet anyone who has experienced this differently. So, once I was on the other side, I kept dreaming of the those last few months for the next few months - that is where I paused to notice my feelings and interactions with various people close to me in the process of the move. Hidden feelings emerged. I had time now to absorb them.

2. Ground your spirit. For me, that meant continuing a Thursday night practice of being in my faith community. Even though it was a new place, having a structure to rely on was so helpful. I listened to shabads (powerful, peaceful, spiritual songs), cooked langar and made chai prasad (blessings in the form of food), and marked out an hour to sit, with my Self, with God. Whoever you are and whatever your spirit-grounding practices are, nurture that on at least a weekly basis. Transition is not just a moment in time, we are talking about transitioning a life. So continuing practices that make up that life are what help to ease the transition. 

3. Energize your body. I don't usually like to separate the spirit and body because well-being is a Wholeness issue, but, I think of this one as multiple strategies for maximum benefit. With the support and motivation of a friend, I started doing yoga every morning. I mean, from never having had a physical movement routine or gym membership in my whole life, I started doing yoga every single morning. In 21 days, I was amazed at myself, and could already feel my body getting stronger and energy flowing through it. I heard somewhere that it takes 21 days to form a habit. A year later, I'm still doing it. This practice has become a fundamental part of the new me.

4. Embrace not-knowing as an opportunity to wake up. In a life routine, we get used to where things are how we do things - where the coffee mugs are kept, the commute to work, the view from your window. When you move out of state, you probably purged a lot, and will start fresh in a new place to live. You have to re-learn how to make coffee in this kitchen. Walk each step slowly with a new awareness. No autopiloting possible. You have to pay attention. And you can distinctly notice all that you don't know. It really slowed me down in a wide-eyed way, that I appreciated.

5. Prioritize, and take one step at a time. One day, one week, one month, one quarter. Prioritize what you want to focus on building first - physical home space, work / new job, community, exercise, cooking. Figure out what you absolutely need now, what you cannot do without, and focus on that. For me, in the first quarter that was apartment-hunting, settling into the new job, and a weekly spiritual practice. That took up all my available time and energy. Sometimes I managed to eat dinner with a friend, or go to a movie, or sleep enough. Twice I even ventured out dancing.  

6. Balance what you need to do with what you want to do. Hopefully there is some overlap already, but try to maximize the efficiency to joy ratio of the situation. Energy is fixed and so is time. Time is the same everyday, and yet it is a fluid magical creature. You cannot do everything,  and I tended to focus too much on what I needed to do. So I really struggled. In order to have peace, sometimes you need to surrender the struggle. In hindsight, I wished I slept and rested more and watched more movies.

7. Accept what is and let go of what you want/thought it would be. Accept the fact that you will not and cannot be settled in a fixed amount of time decided by you. I tried that, but the Universe has other plans. What I needed to learn to slow down. What I also learned and have grown so much from is the understanding that all things happen at the perfect time. Life is tastier at the ripest moments. Practice patience.

8. Do something significant to mark this time and direction of your desired transformation. Get a tattoo, write your self a letter, take a picture and frame it... something that is tangible for you to see/touch. I was walking in the East Village one day, and had been looking for a ring for a long time. I hadn't found quite the right one, but that day, it found me. Bold blue in silver metal. I bargained the seller down from $10 to $8 on the basis of shared ethnic identity and speaking the same language. That ring reminds of that day, when I was still new in NYC, and new to my newly becoming self, and was finding my feet while on the go.

9. Call a friend. I still remember spending hours laying in bed chatting with a friend on the phone, because my body was on a different time zone / life zone. It was surprising to me at times, who I was thinking of, or who thought of me and called. And we'd get to experience a long-distance hangout that we didn't get enough of before the move, or it was a new friendship forming as I was leaving.  

10. Know that you'll be lonely, and it's necessary. It's very isolating to move to a new city, even if you have friends there. You still have to form a community, and get into a life flow where you feel a sense of belonging and have a circuit of social events to attend. It's lonely. But remember why you moved - you're brave and bold and wanted to go after a new life, and in your deep inner self, you knew it would change you and your life needed that for its next season. The aloneness is where the change and opening is happening. Seeds of desire are being planted for the new life, aches are being felt and rubbed out of the old life, and being with yourself is an important part of all that. Try not to resist or hate it :) Try to appreciate it as the down time before you find your busy, happening groove. This is not just about a new city, it's a new life, and a new you. Make friends with your new self. Best advice I got here - Read "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke. This is how I learned to love my solitude, for the first time.

 

Have a Good Day / Do whatever it takes

It was my birthday recently and I've never been so un-excited about it. Which is fine, a birthday is a day in a year, it has a place in time and in season and in calendars, so chances are that it's going to more or less reflect the heart-season that the person is in. I've been up and down and medium, so that's how March 13 went too. It also involved birthday surprises (well, 2 kinds of surprises - the ones I liked which was people loving me with hugs and messages and cards/gifts, and the ones I didn't care for which was the terribly cold day and not getting to the things I had wanted to do and the absence of some people and and feeling lost and without purpose in life). I ended the day in faith community, and by that time I was totally distraught and consumed by my mind and feelings. As I sat there in silence listening to the shabads, I felt the concave emptiness in my chest and felt tears bubble up in my closed eyes. I was, at the end of it, once again distracted by cake and singing, fortunately.

Later I decided I didn't care about anything anymore. That was an excellent turning point.

Since the day I realized I don't care about anything and life is meaningless and I may not have a purpose or significance here, BUT since I'm alive and do care about staying alive, I can do whatever the hell I want. No more goals. No more deep seeking. No more anguish. Just have a good day. In each moment, I will not weigh multiple factors like the spiritual and emotional benefits of X action (like withholding coffee) versus the instant gratification of giving into a craving. Nope. No deep thoughts here. The only question is - Will this make me happy right now? Is this what I want to be doing right now? If the answer is yes, I'm going for it!

First I thought about quitting everything. I reflected on my job, but decided to keep it because I like it so much, and I like my coworkers too. It's actually a place that still has good meaning and a clear role for me. Then I thought about other commitments, and decided to feel things out. I decided to keep my volunteer board commitment too, it's extremely inspiring and energizing. I need more of that!

What I'm realizing now is that because of mental blocks, some things get twisted. I like to write and cook and dance and make art and perform, but I hardly do any of those things anymore. So when I have some free time, I think about how I "should" be blogging etc. That kills the joy and creates pressure. But right now, because I only do things I want to, I realized over and over that I still wanted to write and share all this right now.

This has greatly simplified my life.

Obviously, it's going to be harder moving forward because everyday I will still do things I don't want to (like commute), but keep in the mind that the rule is broader than that - I accept some of the things I don't like (i.e. commuting) because I like what I'm going to. Also, nothing is permanent so that takes the pressure off too. I won't have this exact commute forever, just for the coming 15 months. And having things be new and confusing is a great lesson in getting present and focused on "right now".

Coming back to how I felt lost and confused about the meaning of life and my role within the grander scheme of things, the update is - that's still true, and I'm cool with that. It's both okay to be confused, or lost, and it's also okay if I can't relate to grander meaning. Maybe I was always looking too deep and need to be more present-day, and get better at day-to-day living. Life is right now. I am no longer thinking of it as LIFE or Life - Life is no one big thing. It changes too much and perhaps this is loosening my attachment to what I want LIFE to be like. It's shaking up the old ways of doing things, and some of my core beliefs. That's totally ungrounding and chaotic, but perhaps necessary for me right now for something new to emerge.

It's also helping me let go of expectations - of myself and other people. My decision to be happy, no matter what, means I take charge of my day, and I don't depend on others or hold others responsible for how I want to feel or what I want to do. This is freeing.

So, do whatever it takes to have a good day today, and tomorrow.

On the Other Side of Sadness

I have been wondering what would make me happy.

There are 5 things I can think of, actually, that would help get me to the other side in the short term -

1) Being in sunshine, warm weather and the magnificent, magical vastness of the ocean

2) Getting done with this never-beginning, never-ending housing move - the hunting is done, the lease is signed, packing is yet to begin.

3) Settling into a new home with space, sunlight, and people I like and care about in close proximity. Creating a space where I can write, smile, breathe, pray, dance, make art, heal, and cook with others.

4) My professional work continuing to go as bloomingly as it has been, thanks to many other people.

5) Making art - Although mentioned as a tidbit in #3, I am coming to realize the power and potential of this one in releasing my sadness and stuck emotions, and in healing and creating beauty and joy.

Obviously, some of these things are in my control, some are not. Some are inevitable even if I do nothing, some require intense labor in a short amount of time.Some of these things are about the absence of what's been hard, and some are about the presence and creation of what brings joy. Both require intention and effort. I'm willing to do those things, but I'd rather do them with an attitude of "I am fierce and badass in the midst of so much tough shit going on", rather than a more disempowered approach like "I overwhelmed and have so much to do I wish it was over". I've gone back and forth between these feelings, and I'm trying to remember more often that I am badass and can handle and accomplish a lot.

Note to self: Attitude matters. It matters a LOT. Not just because it can give one actual fuel (which is significant), but because then the doing is as strengthening and positive as being on the other side (the outcome).

I can think of tons more things that would make me happier, but I will leave them alone for now because I am too disheartened by the magnitude of those, and the limited potential for change.  Right now I'm trying to focus on the next 1 week to 3 months, which is another good strategy for keeping things manageable.

Good luck to you, if you are doing a lot and trying to stay afloat and perhaps even swim. My heart is bonded with yours in the yearnings of my prayers.

Powerful Collection of Quotes

The first pose is always breath. - source unknown to me

Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it. - Rabindranath Tagore

You are here so that someday you can look yourself in the eyes and bow to your own grace and strength. - source unknown to me, quoted on Syd Yang's blog

A dream is a poem the body writes. Even if we lie to ourselves in the day, the body is compelled to speak its truth at night. - Sandra Cisneros, Caramelo

What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.-- Eckhart Tolle

 
Overcome any bitterness that may have come because you were not up to the magnitude of the pain entrusted to you. Like the mother of the world who carries the pain of the world in her heart, you are sharing in a certain measure of that cosmic pain, and are called upon to meet it in joy instead of self-pity. – Pir Vilayat Khan

Your body is not yours alone. It belongs to your ancestors, your parents, future generations and to society and all other living beings. Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude... if you are healthy physically and mentally all of us will benefit. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Forgiveness does not mean that we have to continue to relate to those who have done us harm. In some cases the best practice may be to end our connection, to never speak to or be with a harmful person again. Sometimes in the process of forgiveness a person who hurt or betrayed us may wish to make amends, but even this does not require us to put ourselves in the way of further harm. - Jack Kornfield

 

True forgiveness does not paper over what has happened in a superficial way. It is not a misguided effort to suppress or ignore our pain. It cannot be hurried. It is a deep process repeated over and over in our heart which honors the grief and betrayal, and in its own time ripens into the freedom to truly forgive. - Jack Kornfield

 

Hope isn't about believing that we can change things. Hope is about believing that what we do matters. - Vaclav Havel 

My body cannot withhold truth. - Nitika 

The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling. - Audre Lorde

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer - Rainer Maria Rilke

Meditation is the medicine of the mind. - Yogi tea bag