Ruined and lovely

"Today, like every day, we are ruined and lonely." - Rumi

When I first read that I heard/read it as lovely, not lonely. Now that's all that makes sense. I woke up today feeling ruined and lovely. Feeling sadness, stiffness, confusion, and ache from last week, last night, or maybe the last 5 years. Been using too much, dwelling on too many exes, and trying to convince myself that my heart is, in fact, still intact. I'm not convinced.

Maybe broken isn't the right word, but definitely saturated beyond capacity or my imagination. But then, what do I know of the heart's capacity?

Grief can feel like stillness.
Hope feels mindless, and that's a relief.

Today, I am ruined and lovely.
Yesterday, when I was happy, I was ruined and lovely then too.
Maybe that's what I can hold on to. I was never intact to begin with.