Stillness

I don't know what stillness is. I don't have it, not in this moment anyways. From what little I understand, it's in there somewhere, deep below the surface.

Does it mean to slow down until your insides feel still?
Does it mean that your mind stills and there is quiet inside?
Does it mean to be unperturbed no matter what happens?

I'm not still yet. The mind chatters constantly, I'm always worried about being late to something or not doing enough or maybe not being enough, so I move too quickly and try to do too much and end up with bruises I don't remember receiving. Pain too, is a way to make you slow down.

Maybe I should focus on remembering that I am enough. That there is enough hope in the world. That there is enough money too, and resources for all of us. We are just wasting it on war and nuclear weapons and large screen TVs. There is enough peace too, and enough of us who are actively trying to de-escalate ourselves on a daily basis, in every moment, so that WE are not causes of harm, but initiators of love.

Today I went to work then acupuncture then sound healing + meditation. Then I came home and washed a lot of dishes while listening to Jagjit Singh radio station. Each of those activities was equally meditative when I was completely focused, as present as I could be. We set intentions/affirmations after meditation, and here are some of the ones that I remember/want to hold on to. Grateful for and crediting all those who were there (without revealing names)and collectively this emerged -

* I am okay with myself, no matter what.
* My dreams are given to me by God, and God will accomplish them.
* I am connection.
* I am serenity.
* I am deeply loved.
* I am surrender.

And maybe, if I can stop seeking so hard and stop trying to file, sort, organize and label the chaos, I'll be still too.