Friday, September 4, 2015

Letting Go


A while back T and I were moving and we were in a purging frenzy. I donated so many clothes, shoes, household items, kitchen things, and more. Asking myself daily - Do I need this? Do I use it? Am I attached? - I got into a practice of letting go. I had mentally been preparing for this for some time, because I am a recovering sentimentalist. But I was ready. So we purged a LOT. And on the other side, in the new place, it felt good. There was less stuff to unpack (could be lesser still), and less space so it all fit better too.

At times though, I wonder if we went too far. Whenever I am wondering what to wear that I don't need to iron and and will keep me cool in the summer, I might have a flash of memory of a dress I let go of. And I might regret that decision. Or I might stand by it. Either way, I've been reflecting on letting go, and both the joys and pains of it. I've been wondering what it takes.

What does it really take to let go of someone, or of something? Of an experience, or an expectation, or a memory....First I think it takes that mental commitment, the readiness to move on. Second, there has to be an active component - perhaps there is a dropoff to Goodwill, or the burning of a letter. Perhaps it's deleting pictures, or someone from your facebook friend list. And then third, is the rest of the journey with no finite end, which is practicing letting go over and over. Each time you are reminded of the thing or longing for it, you remind yourself why you needed to let go in the first place, and why it was bold and brave and true to do so. Perhaps you have to remind yourself a lot. Perhaps you never look back.

And sometimes you need a fourth stage - if you're truly unable let go, then try acceptance instead. I'm sitting with all of this, from the mundane (missing my old sneakers and excited about new ones!) to the deeply emotional (wishing some of my relationships were deeper or closer, but accepting and being present to what is).

Even our skin sheds completely every twenty-one days. How can we refuse to participate in a process so natural and adaptive? If we didn't, we literally wouldn't heal and be able to recover from wounds. So, in that spirit, I am facing, learning, and trying to let go a little more every day.

I hope there is something you can release today. Maybe a regret about something you did or didn't do,  maybe it's a mug that you don't need anymore. Tell yourself what you need to let go of, and more importantly, why. Then release, and notice how you feel. Or if you're not ready to let go yet, that's okay too, notice that and explore what's underneath.

Write to me about it, if you like.


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