Today I couldn't stop smiling on my walk to work. My first walk to work in one month. Instead of being out sick or working from home or taking a bus or cab the few times I made it.
I couldn't stop smiling, and I thought, this is what it felt like when I was falling in love with her. I smiled a lot, hard.
But this smiling today is for self-love. Today I walked, and I don't just want to celebrate the thing I was able to do, I don't want to feed my own sense of ableism (Questions? ask me about this, for real). I smiled so hard because I got to fall in love with the sky and the ground and wind again today, and the fluid winds in my body.
I was filled with bliss. I was luscious in myself.
I thought of you all, who prayed and healed and meditated and loved me with your beings. I deeply thank and love you all, even if I don't know you. My heart feels your heart.
I don't have any wisdoms to offer today but the flowers of gratitude spilling out of me. I feel like I walked under a shedding cherry blossom tree, my head covered against the light sprinkles. Big dark red shades and a shaved head all factor in for quite a strange reflection that I caught sight of a few times. I've been dreaming a lot about having really long glorious hair (again). I suppose it is a longing, but it is the best reason for me to practice being here now. I chose this, and every time I miss something else, I remember that I still want this now, I still want to feel this free and am drawn to what it offers to teach me. It teaches me what I thought it would. The truth lies in your eyes. Long hair just gave me some armor to work with.
Tiara is the one who reflected to me that she knew I was truly high femme in essence, but she also saw the way I wore it like armor.
It feels brave and tender and freeing to take it all off. And I feel really loved and supported, which makes it possible. So people, if there was only ONE thing you could rely on for the rest of your life, rely on faith and its many manifestations. Human beings are some of the best ones.
I couldn't stop smiling, and I thought, this is what it felt like when I was falling in love with her. I smiled a lot, hard.
But this smiling today is for self-love. Today I walked, and I don't just want to celebrate the thing I was able to do, I don't want to feed my own sense of ableism (Questions? ask me about this, for real). I smiled so hard because I got to fall in love with the sky and the ground and wind again today, and the fluid winds in my body.
I was filled with bliss. I was luscious in myself.
I thought of you all, who prayed and healed and meditated and loved me with your beings. I deeply thank and love you all, even if I don't know you. My heart feels your heart.
I don't have any wisdoms to offer today but the flowers of gratitude spilling out of me. I feel like I walked under a shedding cherry blossom tree, my head covered against the light sprinkles. Big dark red shades and a shaved head all factor in for quite a strange reflection that I caught sight of a few times. I've been dreaming a lot about having really long glorious hair (again). I suppose it is a longing, but it is the best reason for me to practice being here now. I chose this, and every time I miss something else, I remember that I still want this now, I still want to feel this free and am drawn to what it offers to teach me. It teaches me what I thought it would. The truth lies in your eyes. Long hair just gave me some armor to work with.
Tiara is the one who reflected to me that she knew I was truly high femme in essence, but she also saw the way I wore it like armor.
It feels brave and tender and freeing to take it all off. And I feel really loved and supported, which makes it possible. So people, if there was only ONE thing you could rely on for the rest of your life, rely on faith and its many manifestations. Human beings are some of the best ones.
Nehu shared your blog! Enjoyed reading it :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thoughts.