The prompt sent for me today - Overcoming fear: Fear of good things or of bad things, doesn't matter which.
This is one of my favorite topics- dissecting fear, in order to move through it. I also like the nuance of overcoming fear of good or bad things both.
What is fear?
Fear can be the analytical mind at work, or a bodily sensation - both trying to protect us. Fear is that feeling of "oh my god what am i about to do?" or "of shit if this happens then..." or "aaah i'm falling!" or heart drops in belly, or sinks like a stone, or swoops up in a flight of butterflies, or you can't feel your heart or legs or pulse, or its racing like crazy and you're sweating hard. Or you're so terrified you're frozen still or silent, can't move, can't face the thing or the person.
Fear seems to be a feeling of being afraid of what happens next. Interestingly, not what's happening now, because if it's happening now, you're either feeling some kind of pain or trauma, in which case it has become suffering and not only the fear of. And if it was fear of a good thing, then if it's happening now it's usually a fear of losing it or not being able to keep it and recognizing its transience. It's not actually disliking the experience of the good thing (usually).
It seems then that fear can be overcome by being present with what is happening now. The current moment is to be felt - good or bad or mixed as it often is - and not to be lost in thinking about the next moment. In terms of the protection factor, we have to honor the internal guard systems, and also remember that we can protect ourselves by choice. We can make choices about how much truth to tell, how far to step / off the cliff or not, whether to quit that job with the terrible power dynamics.... we can choose whether we want to stay in our comfort zone, step into stretch zone, or venture into the potential panic zone (thanks Dee for sharing this spectrum!).
Fear is sometimes an illusion (an insecurity) or an actuality - like trans people facing violence and street harassment, or people without documents facing detention and the risk of deportation, or a person in an abusive relationship experiencing assault or abuse. Facing the fear(s), trying to see what exactly we are afraid of, helps to reduce its power over us. We can assess what the potential for harm is and how we can keep ourselves safe - in the anti-violence movement we call this safety planning.
Or if we are facing an insecurity, a sense of not-enoughness in some realm, then we get to look at ourselves with love and pride and a tenderness and say - "hey, dear one, me - i'm okay, i'm great. i love and i am eternally lovable. i live each day trying to have a good life and to make myself happy, that's what we all do. i try, it's messy, it's okay, i try again."
Or if it's a fear of a good thing, really looking at what am I afraid will happen, or won't happen. In facing and asking this question sincerely and truthfully of ourselves, often history reveals a forgotten secret or pattern. When we start to see the stories of our past with the eyes of now, we can see our younger selves with the loving eyes of our current self. Our current self can then let go of what no longer holds true, or has power over us. This isn't easy, and doesn't happen in one try, but it does happen increasingly with practice.
Essentially, fear is a block. It's a red light or a stop sign on the roads of living. So, you can pause and assess, but life is an adventure and if you don't keep going you'll never find out where you go or what happens next! If you want to keep it safe, you can go the known route and not do the scary thing. But if the scary thing is the thing that takes you from the known to the unknown, from the autopilot to the alive and shit scared thrilling ride, I say go for it. For me, often what helps me move through fear is looking beyond at what I'm trying to get to. If that vision is beautiful and bold and worth it, I always go for it. People fear telling the truth a lot. We fear it brings loss, or hurt feelings, or disconnection. But truth, however unpopular, is the only thing can allow room for authentic connection. People fear falling in love, being vulnerable, letting someone close in, letting them see our authentic vulnerable self, or losing loved ones. About love and freedom, Yumi Tomsha poignantly says -
This is one of my favorite topics- dissecting fear, in order to move through it. I also like the nuance of overcoming fear of good or bad things both.
What is fear?
Fear can be the analytical mind at work, or a bodily sensation - both trying to protect us. Fear is that feeling of "oh my god what am i about to do?" or "of shit if this happens then..." or "aaah i'm falling!" or heart drops in belly, or sinks like a stone, or swoops up in a flight of butterflies, or you can't feel your heart or legs or pulse, or its racing like crazy and you're sweating hard. Or you're so terrified you're frozen still or silent, can't move, can't face the thing or the person.
Fear seems to be a feeling of being afraid of what happens next. Interestingly, not what's happening now, because if it's happening now, you're either feeling some kind of pain or trauma, in which case it has become suffering and not only the fear of. And if it was fear of a good thing, then if it's happening now it's usually a fear of losing it or not being able to keep it and recognizing its transience. It's not actually disliking the experience of the good thing (usually).
It seems then that fear can be overcome by being present with what is happening now. The current moment is to be felt - good or bad or mixed as it often is - and not to be lost in thinking about the next moment. In terms of the protection factor, we have to honor the internal guard systems, and also remember that we can protect ourselves by choice. We can make choices about how much truth to tell, how far to step / off the cliff or not, whether to quit that job with the terrible power dynamics.... we can choose whether we want to stay in our comfort zone, step into stretch zone, or venture into the potential panic zone (thanks Dee for sharing this spectrum!).
Fear is sometimes an illusion (an insecurity) or an actuality - like trans people facing violence and street harassment, or people without documents facing detention and the risk of deportation, or a person in an abusive relationship experiencing assault or abuse. Facing the fear(s), trying to see what exactly we are afraid of, helps to reduce its power over us. We can assess what the potential for harm is and how we can keep ourselves safe - in the anti-violence movement we call this safety planning.
Or if we are facing an insecurity, a sense of not-enoughness in some realm, then we get to look at ourselves with love and pride and a tenderness and say - "hey, dear one, me - i'm okay, i'm great. i love and i am eternally lovable. i live each day trying to have a good life and to make myself happy, that's what we all do. i try, it's messy, it's okay, i try again."
Or if it's a fear of a good thing, really looking at what am I afraid will happen, or won't happen. In facing and asking this question sincerely and truthfully of ourselves, often history reveals a forgotten secret or pattern. When we start to see the stories of our past with the eyes of now, we can see our younger selves with the loving eyes of our current self. Our current self can then let go of what no longer holds true, or has power over us. This isn't easy, and doesn't happen in one try, but it does happen increasingly with practice.
Essentially, fear is a block. It's a red light or a stop sign on the roads of living. So, you can pause and assess, but life is an adventure and if you don't keep going you'll never find out where you go or what happens next! If you want to keep it safe, you can go the known route and not do the scary thing. But if the scary thing is the thing that takes you from the known to the unknown, from the autopilot to the alive and shit scared thrilling ride, I say go for it. For me, often what helps me move through fear is looking beyond at what I'm trying to get to. If that vision is beautiful and bold and worth it, I always go for it. People fear telling the truth a lot. We fear it brings loss, or hurt feelings, or disconnection. But truth, however unpopular, is the only thing can allow room for authentic connection. People fear falling in love, being vulnerable, letting someone close in, letting them see our authentic vulnerable self, or losing loved ones. About love and freedom, Yumi Tomsha poignantly says -
It is such a nice blog post, Nitika. I believe that our fears and insecurities are not real. They are the inventions of our minds based on our attachments with the materialistic worlds. Once we understand it through the practice of meditation, we unveil our true self and come out to be fearless and peaceful.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
Henry Jordan
The Equation Game
Thank you Henry. How true, a good reminder and re-focusing for me.
ReplyDelete