I've been watching this incredible documentary about the story of Buddha's enlightenment. There's beautiful art visuals - paintings and sculptures and animation - that makes an indescribable story come to life.
I can only take it all in in small segments, it's so deep. Today I was watching the part about the night of his awakening. He was faced with the demon god Mara, the god of desire. Mara tempted him away from meditation in all sorts of ways, but Siddhartha continued to sit there under the bodhi tree. What was new to me was actually that he was not in a trance state, which is what I assume protects great meditators from mental distractions. He was aware of everything that was going on, but he was patiently focused on his question - why do human beings suffer? Mara kept throwing further temptations at S, but he didn't react. Finally, Mara asked - why do you think you deserve enlightenment? And all his little minions echoed this sentiment, essentially saying that Siddhartha was not worthy of it, and would need to prove it or defend his worthiness. S did not defend himself. He simply touched the earth and said - the earth is my witness. The earth is real, you (desires) are not. And then, the earth shuddered and gave him a cosmic vision of all his past births and deaths and forms and lives, and how the Universe works. By the morning, he became The Awakened One. And what he discovered in this state of nirvana was that he did not need to go outside himself to find it. That nirvana, or the liberated state, always exists within us and is always within reach. He reached it by non-reactivity, by stillness and witnessing and patience, and those became his core teachings. That might also be what defines meditation, in my new understanding.
Okay, so that's the story that I am immersed in right now. I truly came to believe by this part that I too could be buddha, that we all could. I practiced it. In my life this has looked like a lot of letting go of what people think of me, what people say or tell me to do, whether people judge, and even letting go of the praise and rewards that come from doing certain things . To know that judgement or praise comes from other people's desires, expectations or needs being met or unmet. And while we may do these things for people intentionally at time and unintentionally at other times, it is a risk to get caught up in it. Because it allows us to step away from our own inner selves, from the witnessing we need to do in order to understand our deepest attachments/desires, which are what bind and limit us. According to this powerful documentary, Siddhartha did not try to destroy desire, or say that it is bad. But from my own experiences and understanding, attachments are indeed limitations to freedom.
Attachments feed a sense of a void, of needing something externally, or someone, to feel fulfilled and complete or happy. Pleasure is temporary. We eat, the stomach is full and then it is empty. We have sex, it feels good and then it's over and then the desire rises again. We buy things, we enjoy wearing new things or furnishing our places of living, and then they get old and something else external is sought for renewal.
What the Buddha was talking about in his newly awakened state, was to pay attention now to the nirvana that is available to us now. And that his teachings actually translated correctly are not talking so much about human suffering, but dissatisfaction. Getting what we want or even what we need is not always within our control. but contentment always is. To be content, one must pay attention to what one has. And to truly be free, one can find bliss in noticing what is there, not even what one has. The concept of ownership is the beginning of dissatisfaction and never-ending desires, and eventually hoarding. But there is great wonder and beauty constantly available to us in the natural world. To actually be present to it can create a sense of awe, gratitude, and profound connection to all livingness. Being present requires breathing the breath that is always available to us, breathing it with consciousness and gratitude and wonder. What comes naturally soon becomes forgotten. That, right there is Mara, which allows us to get caught up in the illusion of desires.
Final thought if you can be so bold and open as to actually believe it - What if nirvana really is available to each of us in each moment? I know how I feel when I recognize truth, and this is I recognize to be true. So then, try. Meditation - the practice of noticing - doesn't mean perfection, it is the practice of ignoring mara because we recognize its illusoriness. You can try this all the time without sitting under a tree. I'm a fan of mediations in motion. Closing eyes and being still definitely helps though, even for a moment.
I can only take it all in in small segments, it's so deep. Today I was watching the part about the night of his awakening. He was faced with the demon god Mara, the god of desire. Mara tempted him away from meditation in all sorts of ways, but Siddhartha continued to sit there under the bodhi tree. What was new to me was actually that he was not in a trance state, which is what I assume protects great meditators from mental distractions. He was aware of everything that was going on, but he was patiently focused on his question - why do human beings suffer? Mara kept throwing further temptations at S, but he didn't react. Finally, Mara asked - why do you think you deserve enlightenment? And all his little minions echoed this sentiment, essentially saying that Siddhartha was not worthy of it, and would need to prove it or defend his worthiness. S did not defend himself. He simply touched the earth and said - the earth is my witness. The earth is real, you (desires) are not. And then, the earth shuddered and gave him a cosmic vision of all his past births and deaths and forms and lives, and how the Universe works. By the morning, he became The Awakened One. And what he discovered in this state of nirvana was that he did not need to go outside himself to find it. That nirvana, or the liberated state, always exists within us and is always within reach. He reached it by non-reactivity, by stillness and witnessing and patience, and those became his core teachings. That might also be what defines meditation, in my new understanding.
Okay, so that's the story that I am immersed in right now. I truly came to believe by this part that I too could be buddha, that we all could. I practiced it. In my life this has looked like a lot of letting go of what people think of me, what people say or tell me to do, whether people judge, and even letting go of the praise and rewards that come from doing certain things . To know that judgement or praise comes from other people's desires, expectations or needs being met or unmet. And while we may do these things for people intentionally at time and unintentionally at other times, it is a risk to get caught up in it. Because it allows us to step away from our own inner selves, from the witnessing we need to do in order to understand our deepest attachments/desires, which are what bind and limit us. According to this powerful documentary, Siddhartha did not try to destroy desire, or say that it is bad. But from my own experiences and understanding, attachments are indeed limitations to freedom.
Attachments feed a sense of a void, of needing something externally, or someone, to feel fulfilled and complete or happy. Pleasure is temporary. We eat, the stomach is full and then it is empty. We have sex, it feels good and then it's over and then the desire rises again. We buy things, we enjoy wearing new things or furnishing our places of living, and then they get old and something else external is sought for renewal.
What the Buddha was talking about in his newly awakened state, was to pay attention now to the nirvana that is available to us now. And that his teachings actually translated correctly are not talking so much about human suffering, but dissatisfaction. Getting what we want or even what we need is not always within our control. but contentment always is. To be content, one must pay attention to what one has. And to truly be free, one can find bliss in noticing what is there, not even what one has. The concept of ownership is the beginning of dissatisfaction and never-ending desires, and eventually hoarding. But there is great wonder and beauty constantly available to us in the natural world. To actually be present to it can create a sense of awe, gratitude, and profound connection to all livingness. Being present requires breathing the breath that is always available to us, breathing it with consciousness and gratitude and wonder. What comes naturally soon becomes forgotten. That, right there is Mara, which allows us to get caught up in the illusion of desires.
Final thought if you can be so bold and open as to actually believe it - What if nirvana really is available to each of us in each moment? I know how I feel when I recognize truth, and this is I recognize to be true. So then, try. Meditation - the practice of noticing - doesn't mean perfection, it is the practice of ignoring mara because we recognize its illusoriness. You can try this all the time without sitting under a tree. I'm a fan of mediations in motion. Closing eyes and being still definitely helps though, even for a moment.
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