Is Love really the answer?

HELL YES!!! Yes it is. No doubt. Yup, I'm sure of it. Surer than I've ever been of anything, even when I'm not sure why or how.

I do want to say though, that "Love" is one of those words. One of those BIG words that has so much meaning and too many meanings and so many interpretations and even loadedness. Some associations and questions that bubble up, especially given that I am a desi woman and have heard a lotta things from the family, the community, the world, and Bollywood! I got a yogi tea bag message yesterday confidently stating that "Love means to live for others"? I was a bit disturbed by that. Is this true? If yes, I'm failing.  But because I'm determined to accept myself, I must question this logic.

• Is love sacrifice? I don't think so. I think the concept of sacrifice is another fascinating one for a future blog post, but I think in this context, I would say that to love someone does not mean you commit to making sacrifices. To me, sacrifices have a martyr-like quality that don't feel authentic. But if you're truly wanting to give something that matters to you up and you expect nothing in return, I think of it as letting go.
• Is love compromise? Mmm.... I don't think love is defined by compromise so much as mutuality. If it only works for one person, it's not working very well. True love is about true connection and equality in centering needs and desires. 
• Is love acceptance? Yes! I was convinced by Don Miguel Ruiz in the Mastery of Love (excellent, vision changing, heart opening book). Loving requires acceptance. He says if you get a cat and expect or want it to behave like a dog, you don't really love the cat. It's true.
• Is love to prioritize the happiness of loved ones over your own? This one is complex.
•  One response - I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna say No. If you don't love yourself and actively treat yourself with love, then how can you prioritize anything from a grounded place?
• Another option - If you prioritize someone else's happiness, and you do it because it makes YOU happier to do that, you are actually doing what makes you happy, which is good.
• However... - Does loving someone mean you do or can make them happy? No. You can't make anyone feel anything. You can only make yourself happy. But loving someone might mean that you desire for them to feel happiness, joy etc.
• Must love include physical closeness and togetherness? No. Love may be enhanced by closeness, or it might not depending on the quality of the connection. 
• Are there different definitions for love depending on the type - spiritual, parental, familial, romantic..? Somewhat, but under a broad umbrella, there are some basics I feel strongly about that I'm listing below.

(Some of) The core components of Love as recognized by me -

• Self-love first - Self-acceptance, working on our own stuff with tenderness and self-respect, and bringing joy and positivity and a sense of completeness to our own selves and our lives
• An expansive feeling of joy within your own self
• A felt sense of connection 
• Smiling in thinking of or being with loved one 
• Caring - about how the other person is doing and doing what we can to contribute to wellness, but not care-taking in a way that feels responsible for their well-being
• Respect and trust are so intertwined. We respect the other person as someone on their own path and we trust their following of it. We don't take things personally, and we treat each other  
• A desire for closeness, whether you actually get it or not :)
• Spaciousness, freedom - to be yourself, to change and evolve, to follow your path, to center in your eternally free spirit
• Acceptance - be who you are, accept who other people are, don't try to change anyone except yourself and that too only if you want to
• Mutuality - everyone's needs and dreams and growth are equally important and centered

So if any of these ingredients are missing, I think it can still be Love, but then we get to make choices about degree of closeness, contact and the kind of relationships we want to build. Connections exist, relationships are built. Freedom is about following your path and being free from obligations, norms, expectations, which is markedly different from independence which often denies or resists interconnectedness, and the reality of shared impact.

And finally, I want to challenge all of us to pause every time you find yourself saying or hearing "Makes sense". A lot of things do make sense and our analytical minds accept them. And the world is so much more expansive if you find yourself saying and hearing "Feels right" more often than "makes sense". 

Love resources

1. True Love - Thich Nhat Hanh
2. The Mastery of Love - Don Miguel Ruiz
3. Do the thing that makes you love yourself, do it often. (For me, yoga, writing, painting, laughing, dancing, and other delightful bodily activities) 
4. Key to self love - Be honest with yourself, and accept you, it, whatever "it" is.