Today I didn't want to write.
I've been procrastinating in lovely ways since 7:30pm, when it felt like a good idea to write early. Having an abundance of time led me to imagine all the things I could write about, that didn't feel right. I perused topics in my mind, let them all go because I didn't have clear thinking on them (let's flag that one for further discussion). Finally, I realized this was self-doubt. Then I had a juicy conversation with Tiara Cruse which made me wish it could be a recorded podcast and then I would have another way to do my commitment. Then we started to imagine all the possibilities of podcasting and there it was: a bold, beautiful vision (that could actually come true with support and hard work and dedication).
Vision is great. Action is hard. Consistency is hardest.
Vision is necessary. Action is necessary. Consistency is necessary.
Vision is inspiring. Action is doing it once. Consistency is the commitment to do it over and over until the vision is realized. Consistency is realizing that it is not action that leads to success, but consistency of showing up for the process.
What helped me move through the self-doubt to action is of course to examine it, and share the process in case it's useful to someone else.
Helpful Tips in Moving Through Self-Doubt / What I'm Trying to Practice Today
1) Have a "just do it" attitude. Even if that seems kinda sucky and uninspired, I find that in doing it, I am trying to do it. And that is better than giving up, not trying at all. And when you try, you never know what could happen. Be open. Stay open.
2) Give yourself a pep talk. I'm serious. Self-doubt is filled with ego. There is a fear that it is not "good enough". "I don't have anything useful to offer today" was a voice I heard in my head. Listen to what is being said, and just say something friendly countering that, that you would say to an actual friend. I have once, before a poetry reading open mic, called all my friends in a frantic panic and finding nobody available, as God would have it, given myself a pep talk recorded on my phone. When I said it into the phone, the sense of being recorded was about being heard. I really did say things I felt and meant deeply. And in the process of doing that, even before I heard the recording, I had moved from fright to grounded leap.
3) Focus on what's on the other side - why is it worth it to move through the self-doubt? Remember why it's important to you. Today I didn't want to write. But because I made this commitment, I had to! Well, I realized I don't actually "have to" because nobody is holding me accountable. So, the consequence is just for me. But then I would have to accept being someone who doesn't keep commitments, and that is a harder battle than I want to take on right now. It honestly felt easier to just write :) And I chose this commitment for many, many reasons, one of which was to practice repetition of things I actually love and enjoy.
4) Let go of perfectionism. So what if it isn't my clearest thinking? (hint: symptom of self-doubt) It's okay. I've had a rough pain-filled day (or six), I find my mind to be more of a muddy lake than a clear stream, and I'm not interested in pretending that everything is great / fine / full capacity functioning. Look at how the current imperfect situation is serving you best in its imperfection. I had to write today and today is what it is, and each day is a different internal environment. How can all the paths lead to your vision? By keeping on even if you are wearing stilettos on that hike. Take off the shoes, improvise, make do. No time for self-blame for packing the wrong shoes or going on the hike spontaneously. Here you are - go!
5) TRUST. Trust the process, and show up for it. At the end of the day, what I realized is that I start writing so late into the night that it doesn't give me time for self-doubt or perfectionism. So what if I don't know what I'm going to write about? I got 40 minutes, gotta jump right in! So what if you don't know where your career will be in five years, or where you want to live, or whether you want to have kids? Just show up for yourself - be here now, listen to where you are in this moment, do the thing that feels right, feels good, and see where it leads. Trust that the path will emerge when you take the one step now.
6) Do it for you. Get the other people out of your head. Make the activity authentic for you. Do it in a way that serves your current need, meets you where you are at now, and helps you take the next step you want to. When you can re-focus on your need and responding to it, you are learning how to show up for yourself from different angles.
7) Deal with the distractions. I've had a great phone hangout, dinner, dessert, used the Bjore nose strips (gross and wow), and perhaps watered the plants (just kidding. They were watered from my last procrastination.) And then, once I sat down to write, I switched everything else off including email inbox and facebook. In writing times, I don't respond to my phone either.
I showed up to write this with some (a lot of) wariness and some (a little) trust. At the end of the day, I feel glad I made this commitment, and today it forced/ allowed me to work through self-doubt. There's always a reason we set things up the way we do (remember Intuition? the Universe is excited to coach us through what we need to learn). Moving through self-doubt is worth it simply because it keeps us moving. If you don't, you're stuck.
An addition: Geetanjali made this beautiful comment to this blog post "Self doubt is a tide in the ride, that passes so long as one is resolved to wade past it. Either the tide passes your stillness or your pass it in motion."What it made me realize is that you have to ride that wave either way, stillness or moving, no judgements. It also made me reconnect to my spiritual roots - Self-doubt is only a tide, but God is the ocean. I will be connected to many others wave that move me where I need to go. Stillness or motion, find the best balance you can today, do the best you can that day.
I've been procrastinating in lovely ways since 7:30pm, when it felt like a good idea to write early. Having an abundance of time led me to imagine all the things I could write about, that didn't feel right. I perused topics in my mind, let them all go because I didn't have clear thinking on them (let's flag that one for further discussion). Finally, I realized this was self-doubt. Then I had a juicy conversation with Tiara Cruse which made me wish it could be a recorded podcast and then I would have another way to do my commitment. Then we started to imagine all the possibilities of podcasting and there it was: a bold, beautiful vision (that could actually come true with support and hard work and dedication).
Vision is necessary. Action is necessary. Consistency is necessary.
Vision is inspiring. Action is doing it once. Consistency is the commitment to do it over and over until the vision is realized. Consistency is realizing that it is not action that leads to success, but consistency of showing up for the process.
What helped me move through the self-doubt to action is of course to examine it, and share the process in case it's useful to someone else.
Helpful Tips in Moving Through Self-Doubt / What I'm Trying to Practice Today
1) Have a "just do it" attitude. Even if that seems kinda sucky and uninspired, I find that in doing it, I am trying to do it. And that is better than giving up, not trying at all. And when you try, you never know what could happen. Be open. Stay open.
2) Give yourself a pep talk. I'm serious. Self-doubt is filled with ego. There is a fear that it is not "good enough". "I don't have anything useful to offer today" was a voice I heard in my head. Listen to what is being said, and just say something friendly countering that, that you would say to an actual friend. I have once, before a poetry reading open mic, called all my friends in a frantic panic and finding nobody available, as God would have it, given myself a pep talk recorded on my phone. When I said it into the phone, the sense of being recorded was about being heard. I really did say things I felt and meant deeply. And in the process of doing that, even before I heard the recording, I had moved from fright to grounded leap.
3) Focus on what's on the other side - why is it worth it to move through the self-doubt? Remember why it's important to you. Today I didn't want to write. But because I made this commitment, I had to! Well, I realized I don't actually "have to" because nobody is holding me accountable. So, the consequence is just for me. But then I would have to accept being someone who doesn't keep commitments, and that is a harder battle than I want to take on right now. It honestly felt easier to just write :) And I chose this commitment for many, many reasons, one of which was to practice repetition of things I actually love and enjoy.
4) Let go of perfectionism. So what if it isn't my clearest thinking? (hint: symptom of self-doubt) It's okay. I've had a rough pain-filled day (or six), I find my mind to be more of a muddy lake than a clear stream, and I'm not interested in pretending that everything is great / fine / full capacity functioning. Look at how the current imperfect situation is serving you best in its imperfection. I had to write today and today is what it is, and each day is a different internal environment. How can all the paths lead to your vision? By keeping on even if you are wearing stilettos on that hike. Take off the shoes, improvise, make do. No time for self-blame for packing the wrong shoes or going on the hike spontaneously. Here you are - go!
5) TRUST. Trust the process, and show up for it. At the end of the day, what I realized is that I start writing so late into the night that it doesn't give me time for self-doubt or perfectionism. So what if I don't know what I'm going to write about? I got 40 minutes, gotta jump right in! So what if you don't know where your career will be in five years, or where you want to live, or whether you want to have kids? Just show up for yourself - be here now, listen to where you are in this moment, do the thing that feels right, feels good, and see where it leads. Trust that the path will emerge when you take the one step now.
6) Do it for you. Get the other people out of your head. Make the activity authentic for you. Do it in a way that serves your current need, meets you where you are at now, and helps you take the next step you want to. When you can re-focus on your need and responding to it, you are learning how to show up for yourself from different angles.
7) Deal with the distractions. I've had a great phone hangout, dinner, dessert, used the Bjore nose strips (gross and wow), and perhaps watered the plants (just kidding. They were watered from my last procrastination.) And then, once I sat down to write, I switched everything else off including email inbox and facebook. In writing times, I don't respond to my phone either.
I showed up to write this with some (a lot of) wariness and some (a little) trust. At the end of the day, I feel glad I made this commitment, and today it forced/ allowed me to work through self-doubt. There's always a reason we set things up the way we do (remember Intuition? the Universe is excited to coach us through what we need to learn). Moving through self-doubt is worth it simply because it keeps us moving. If you don't, you're stuck.
An addition: Geetanjali made this beautiful comment to this blog post "Self doubt is a tide in the ride, that passes so long as one is resolved to wade past it. Either the tide passes your stillness or your pass it in motion."What it made me realize is that you have to ride that wave either way, stillness or moving, no judgements. It also made me reconnect to my spiritual roots - Self-doubt is only a tide, but God is the ocean. I will be connected to many others wave that move me where I need to go. Stillness or motion, find the best balance you can today, do the best you can that day.
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